The lightning and I are one in the same~~~ We both put on shows so you notice us, but you never even bother to look our way.
Blue as the Aegean Sea
Irises like the crests of the waves
Calming and slowly rocking, back and forth
Small specks of green as if seaweed were trapped inside
A percentage of the world held captive in two orbs
Sad thoughts bring forth hurricanes on the ocean
The eyes of the boy I love
The boy with the sea eyes
When I was eleven years old, my mother and I had the Talk. She explained to me the importance of safe sex, and she concluded it saying, “There is only one thing in life you really need a man for, Grace, and that’s the sperm for half of a miracle.”
When I was thirteen, my cousin and I were playing the board game Life. She landed on marriage, and then grabbed the blue game piece and stuck it in the back of her car. “A man is the last person who will tell me how to live my life, and the same for you, Grace,” she said.
When I was fifteen, my older sister cried about not going to prom. When she finally dried her tears, she came into my room and laid next to me on the bed. Before she left she whispered, “Who needs men anyway, right Grace?”
When I was seventeen, my best friend was lied to by “the love of her life”, he had used her for his pleasure and his alone. “They’re all pigs anyway, Grace. Don’t rely on them for anything.”
When I was nineteen, my first official boyfriend dumped me in the rain on my front porch step. “It’s not like you even want me around, Grace. You act like you’re better off without me.”
When I was twenty-one, I kissed a girl for the first time, and I really liked it (which had nothing to do with the booze). I finally realized how unimportant the dominant sex really is; I finally realized the happiness of being with someone who made you feel significant.
Written a long time ago, but I have waited until today to share this poem I have written. I consider this to be one of the most beautiful things I have yet to write. LOVE IS LOVE and today I am so proud to be an American. Being gay is not a choice, but hating people? That is. Human rights extend to everyone, no fine lines that separate anyone. “We the people” extends to every American, and every person coming to experience the American Dream that today I finally feel like I am seeing. If you came out today: good! If you are the parent of someone who loves the same sex: good!
We must support and love another. I am proud to say that today Love has won.
Crazy? Yes. Gentle-interrogator of new boyfriends? Yes. Goofy? Yes.
But oh dad, what would I do without you? There’s that thing about mothers, but there is that thing about fathers as well. A little rougher around the edges, sure, but just as gooey on the inside (maybe even a little bit more). You are a sucker for puppy-dog eyes because it’s always “anything for your princess”. I guess you could say I’ve been raised by a king.
Thank you for making me the good debater, the strong intellectual, and the fierce feminist I am. It is a role model like you that makes me so proud to be your daughter.
Love, your Kacey
For those of you who are wondering why I have taken some unannounced time off, I would like to inform you that it is because vacation gets a little crazy. Before you know it you are whirling around exploring new places, stranded without wi-fi, meeting up with relatives, and so much more. I feel absolutely awful that I have not been around in quite some time, but I hope to be slamming you guys with some writing very shortly… I’ve got a friend graduating high school which means college is coming, elderly relatives who want to hear what I am really up to, and tons more!
Thank you to all of you who have continued to stick with me through my irregular schedule, and bearing with my writing just the same. It’s a pleasure to be able to share what I’ve written with all of you. In the mean time, here is a 6 word story that hit me the other day:
“That is supposed to be us!”
“I can’t help but feel as though you don’t trust me. We’re head over heels for another. We’re young, but does youth have to entail love? I’m crazy for him, honestly. I think about him when I am not with him, and when I am with him, all I can think of is being with him for all eternity. I am not proclaiming my love to him, not yet. When all’s said and done, I’m sure I will have said those three words. But can’t you let me enjoy his existence before I am torn away from him? There is no crazed passion between us. We are not jumping one another out of lust. He is a gentleman that I care for deeply, as I know he does me. Why are you the one pushing for our love which I know you will despise? Need I explain myself more, or do you now believe in the peace of mind he brings me?”
He wanted to call her mine
And she hated it
Because she wasn’t a possession
Or a trinket to be flashed
She was a person
That could not be owned
Like a bird in the sky
With freedom all around her
She was not ‘his’.
To Helen (my future mother-in-law),
From what I have seen in the movies and read in literature, the relationship with the mother-in-law can lean two ways. (1) The mother-in-law absolutely adores her soon-to-be daughter-in-law or (2) where she cannot stand her, and strongly believes she is ruining her son’s life. I think we both know which relationship we are in.
We have one thing in common: we both love your son with everything we’ve got. I don’t think you’d mind me so much if you didn’t love him. I am not here to take him away from you, but only to add to the number of people who love him. You have been a wonderful mother to him: he is kind, gentile, intelligent, handsome, and funny. You will always be his mother, and the woman he loves. I will not deter from that.
You should also know that I am not using your son for anything. I am giving my soul to him willingly. I am not a bridezilla and am not marrying your son for “the benefits”. I am marrying him because I love him wholeheartedly. He is a mama’s boy, and I respect that. When I was little, I was told that the only kind of man worth marrying was one who loved his mom. If he loves his mom, you can bet that the woman he chooses he will love just as strongly. But, you need not worry about him once we are married, I will cherish and care for until I die. Believe me, I will protect him with my life.
Besides, he has treated me like a princess; he must have been raised by a queen.
I owe much to you, and probably will never be able to repay you… When the time comes we can talk grandchildren, okay Helen?
Your daughter-in-law (as of tomorrow!!!)
This letter, of course, has absolutely nothing to do with what is actually going on in my life… But I thought I would keep with the tradition of the Mother’s Day spirit!
I had always associated him with the smell of smoke.
Whether it be from the north end of town from the old factory
Or the bar where cigars were lit on the daily
Or my grandparents’ library where ash trays could easily be found
Something about the way he spoke
And the grip he had on me
Reminded me all too much of a strange addiction
To that of puffing lungs
And the creation of smokey air.
He lies to the girl that is a believer.
The girl that reads fantasy and imagines worlds.
Worlds that are so unlike her own.
And he plays her for a fool.
Her fantasy has made her believe in others.
Very few are bad to her and the world is a good place.
Little does she know, he couldn’t care less.
Soon her playful blue eyes are clouded by tears.
The cluelessness of fairytales lives in her.
But now the dragon has come to stay.
Fired up and scared of any human.
All because the boy told lies.
This poem is dedicated to a dear friend of mine who fell for a boy before time could tell her he was more trouble than he was worth. Thank you emilyseye.com for the photo!
When the stars bend to brush your cheeks,
And the world drinks until our sorrow runs out.
The times when I miss you so much I swear my heart is about to crack.
Like the nights when we’d whisper almost silently while watching the sky.
Like the times in the meadow when we counted every falling star.
Until the times when we fell asleep with my head on your chest.
But now I am no longer by you and the stars bring jealousy to my soul.
I can no longer hold your hand, they’ve taken you.
But every time I think of you the stars twinkle and my heart breaks a little.
I swear I will join you soon, and we’ll be together again.
But right now, I wish you were here.
Hello darlings! I hope all is well with you and that you’ve still been enjoying our screen time… Lately I’ve been a little disconnected from my writing, but that’s why I am talking to you! I want to know what YOU want to read from ME. I aim to please but also want to write happily so PLEASE feel free to send an email to my personal address: firstname.lastname@example.org
I hope to hear from all of you, most of you at least!
My desert inspiration for anyone that cares ^^^ ……………….. ❤
I can’t say the worst part was the FALL OUT
Because it was okay when we didn’t talk
I didn’t remember how it felt to laugh at corny jokes
Or the tightness in my cheeks when I couldn’t stop my smile
But it was hard when we talked
And when we were no longer friends
At that point we were just OUT
© Kacey Writes
If I ever make it out alive , that is to say , I get out of this bloody war in one piece , I will learn to play the piano . It is not until you see a grenade go off , or watch your best friend part with you that you know there is nothing more valuable than the time we are given on earth . So when I go back home , after all this is over , I vow to sit down and live a dream I’ve waited years to live . To hear music flood my brain like I’ve imagined while hearing gunshots instead . I will c o m e b a c k and learn to play .
© Kacey Writes
just leave me alone.
i have yet to do anything.
that could annoy you.
i have stayed silent.
and been nothing.
words must be said.
i will not stand.
for your bulling treatment.
© Kacey Writes
You deserve love letters in your mailbox,
and breakfast in bed every Sunday morning,
and dozens of roses on the hour,
and midnight walks on dimly lit streets,
and romantic movies with ice cream sundaes after dinner,
and kisses for every time I have ever admired you,
and being told you’re beautiful- especially when you don’t believe it.
You deserve all these things that I long to give you and intend to.
You deserve it all.
© Kacey Writes
My Sweet Readers,
I hope all has been well with you. I haven’t been great with keeping up with my writing, but I have something cool to share! Being the semi-beginning of the new year, I’ve decided I am going to record everything I eat for an entire year down to every sip of soda and handful of tortilla chips. I won’t be posting that because, well, this isn’t a food blog. But if I share anything food related… Just beware that might be happening. I know some people do this to lose weight, but I am genuinely just curious. Again, I am anti-anorexia and all eating disorders honestly. This is turning into a bit of a PSA, so I think I’m going to wrap it up there!
See you through the screen, darlings!
© Kacey Writes
we drown into empty voids
whether it be our own sadness
or water that chokes and tears
at our windpipes.
here i sink
because i couldn’t hold on
like i had hoped and prayed
that i could.
instead i let go to submit
but not to alcohol–
a different swell inside my chest;
to the glory of a liquid death.
© Kacey Writes
He didn’t know why or how it happened, but one day it just stopped. Sure, she was still pretty, but his love just ended. It actually was rather awful. He looked back in the past to the girls he used to like and thought that maybe he still did. The one he called ‘Heart Breaker’ and another girl who had just said no, but flirted with him constantly.
But none of them were her. He didn’t understand why he stopped loving her, it just sort of died and was put out. Like a lighted matched that was blown out.
He wanted to love her, but something had made him stop. Maybe it was the way they always seemed to fight, or how he thought she loved someone else, or how he believed that she deserved someone better.
But he was an adolescent and he guessed in a few years he’d want to love her again.
His brain began to ask him why she was so great anyways. What made her so remarkable? Why was he so attracted to her?
Of course he didn’t know the answer. Without reason to accompany his thoughts, he asked her those questions.
She replied. “You’re right. I don’t know what you saw in me. I’m nothing special or pretty. I’m actually a bore. You flattered me constantly and I guess I adored that idea, but please, don’t stop loving me.”
That frustrated him. She couldn’t love him but could love his compliments?
In that moment of being caught up and flustered he spat back, “So you want me to love someone who only likes the compliments I give? What’s wrong with you?”
And he immediately regretted it. He heard her soft cries and he realized it had been one of the biggest mistakes of his life. Remember how he wanted to make her laugh? His request changed for any solution that would get her to stop crying. He would do anything. Even lie.
So he did. He told her that he had made a silly mistake and still had feelings for her. All was good for the time being. But he didn’t know how long he could keep up these lies. Him loving her was a fake story, and one that was not easily filled with facts. So he told her the truth.
And that really killed her. He broke her heart and she was wounded and injured, like a flightless bird. What? Not all birds wish to sing and fly forever. Love had destroyed her and she couldn’t imagine trusting anyone again. She felt betrayed and told him so. And then she built her walls higher and higher. He was not let in ever again.
© Kacey Writes
HONEST AND INTELLIGENT: You are honest, authentic, sincere, and extremely resourceful. You have an appetite for knowledge and a hunger for truth. You are thoughtful and perceptive in everything you do. Even as a child, you were wise beyond your years. Everyone looks up to you and you’re highly regarded, but you’re still approachable due to your warm presence. You’ve learned a lot in your life and you have a lot to teach and give back. You are an exceptional example for others to follow!
GLAMOROUS: You are madly sociable and always in the mood for good-fun. Adventures and parties mean practically nothing without you. You have the uncanny ability of being a magnet wherever you go. People genuinely enjoy you for who you are. It’s fair to say it always feels like a holiday whenever you’re around!
Honest, intelligent, and glamorous? Me? Really? -Kacey Writes
Why couldn’t I be skinnier ?
Why couldn’t I look like the other girls with their perfect chests, and flat stomachs, and stick-like thighs?
I’d kill to look like them. I wish I could blend in with those girls.
But I don’t.
I stick out at every angle.
My boobs are too big, my stomach hangs out awkwardly, and my legs resemble those of elephants.
Skinnier. Thinner. Just shed the weight until it’s nothing. Until it’s 0.
I decided I would do my own little PSA about eating disorders, and anorexia is an extremely well-known eating disorder. I’m not going to rant off the statistics because it’s not worth anyone’s time, especially not yours. But PLEASE understand that looking thin like a cropped, air-brushed model should be nobody’s goal. I know girls who are models, and they wish they were not. Being “pro anna” is not something to approve of because it is wrong. You’re denying your body nourishment, and how dare you destroy yourself. You are a home.
© Kacey Writes
Everyone has a favorite Christmas movie, because in truth, nobody really hates Christmas. There is too much joy, and love, and… Goodness to have negative feelings about this holiday. There are so many wonderful things about this time of year, and besides the commercials and presents and coming of Jesus (if you’re Christian) there are the movies that you wait 340-ish days to watch every year.
When I was young, I loved watching ones like How the Grinch Stole Christmas was one I loved. The scene at the end where his heart grows three sizes, and all the Whos grab hands and sing? I wish I could’ve lived that. I used to sing that song all the time… The issue was getting me to stop! Any of the movies about Santa and his reindeer with the puppets for animation were big hits with me as well. Santa Claus is Coming to Town has always been a favorite in my household, and my friends and I used to enjoy making fun of the silliness involved with A Year Without Santa Clause as Mother Nature’s sons went at each other’s throats. For some reason we found it utterly hilarious. Looking back on it, those scenes really were amusing. A newer, but not really new, Christmas movie is The Polar Express where Tom Hanks plays literally every character. Some parts are for the more mature first grader, but the songs are really what makes it all worth it. My favorite from that movie is “When Christmas comes to Town”, sung on the back of the train by the two sweetest kids in the whole movie.
Miracle on 34th Street broke my heart when I first saw it. The little girl believed, so the jury did too? That is real Christmas magic because let me tell you this: New Yorkers can be tough cookies to crack ;). The first time I saw It’s a Wonderful Life, I was really really confused. I was probably too young to understand that it wasn’t just another Christmas movie about how lovely and joyous Christmas is. It’s a Wonderful Life is fantastic because sit has some real sustenance, some actual life application. It’s not just about Christmas, but what it means to have Christmas spirit and the lives you touch with it. And if that’s too gooey and emotional for any of my readers, it’s about…. Beating all the Potters who think it’s okay to try and beat up the little guy. That’s a worthy cause, right?
A Christmas Carol has always had an enormous effect on my life. My dad first read the book to me when I was maybe six or seven. He’d read it to me every night of December, and I’d stay up till far past my bed time to hear it. I can’t say that the young version of Kacey thought very much of the book, but it grew on me. Why? Because Charles Dickens is a genius, and everyone can learn a lesson from A Christmas Carol. Just think: If we spent every moment thinking of the “bah humbug” and all the virtuous things Christmas can mean, then we’re all screwed. Or maybe scrooged… Besides, Ebenezer is an awful name. That’s the kind of name you end up if you hate Christmas, guys.
I’ve never been a big fan of the more recent Christmas movies like Elf or The Santa Clause. I think the 20th Century really understood Christmas; they were simpler times. There are two newer movies that I did enjoy: Love Actually and The Holiday. Because if you don’t love romantic, Christmas-y love stories you’re just kidding yourself, and Cameron Diaz is to die for. Both movies are impossibly cheesy, but make my heart melt as I watch them by the fire drinking hot chocolate. They’re just Christmas at it’s sappiest moment. If you’re anything like me, you sorta live for those moments; the pure ones that make your heart swell and your eyes tear.
But, my favorite Christmas movie of all time is White Christmas for a plethora of reasons. Bing Crosby, Danny Kaye, Rose Mary Clooney, and Vera-Ellen are classic movie stars gifted to us by the gods. They’re too talented for their own good. The time and setting are perfect. Right after the end of the war, when everything is bright, big and booming. But in a tiny, run-down inn up in Vermont with no snow? It’s one for the books. I used to sing the songs with my sibling, “Sisters” was my favorite. The romance is timeless, nothing compares to it. It will always occupy a part of my heart.
I hope all of you have enjoyed your magical holiday seasons, and that your new year will bring happiness… And may all your Christmases be bright 🙂
© Kacey Writes
Morning advisory usually bored him. School in fact bored him. He hated being there. It felt like a prison. There were so many other places he’d rather be than there. Practicing guitar in his bedroom sounded pretty great right then.
That is, until she walked in.
The girl he thought he would always love. The most beautiful girl he’d ever seen. The one he thought was the world, the sun, the moon, and the stars. But she built her walls for a reason, he knew this. It was because she didn’t like trusting people. She was a survivor; a strong, beautiful, loyal girl. A girl of that kind was rare. He knew that to be a fact too.
“Look what I found this morning!” she said as she waved a small piece of paper around in the air.
She looked at the piece of paper and burst into a flutter of giggles. He loved her laugh, though it was not rare. Most people could make her laugh. He remembered her telling him that her family could have her in stitches all hours of the day. He wished he could make her laugh. What drew him back to reality were all her advisees crowding around her.
He walked over to her and stood behind another girl who happened to be a close friend of his, but not the way he wanted to know her. Two particular boys in their advisory were palming their faces while everyone else was laughing. One of her closest friends took the photo, hung it up next to the white board, and wrote a little dialogue.
“Look!” she exclaimed while jumping in front of the board. “He’s saying, ‘I’m so serious.’ and he’s saying, ‘Look at me, I’m a pretty princess!’. And then she’s saying, ‘Would both of you just knock it off?’. Haha!”
He found the picture averagely amusing, but he wasn’t in the mood to laugh. He had woken up too late while still lacking sleep, had not eaten a proper breakfast, and was sporting a firm scowl on his face which was there more than it was not. Really, his mind was in a far off place. A place where he could hold her hand and make her laugh for hours.
It startled him when he heard her really laughing. Really laughing. Just the way she looked right then, she was so beautiful. She was stretched out on the floor, holding her stomach, and laughing. A real laugh and everything. And he couldn’t help but laugh too. He chuckled while admiring her beauty in that moment. Her dark hair was flushed against the carpet creating a unique contrast, and she had a smile that stretched from ear to ear. Oh God, did he mention she was beautiful?
Her walls had come down and she was being her natural, beautiful self. And that’s when he couldn’t keep his eyes off her.
© Kacey Writes
I am going to write a series of excerpts from a book that I will never write. They will all take place in the mind of a teenage boy, but whether it is the same boy or not will vary each time. Let me know what you guys think.
[…] And he knew he had never met anyone more special than her. She was so perfect, at least to him. Most of the other guys wouldn’t take a second look at her which made him feel special. He was the only one that could see her beauty and love of life. Everyone else saw her as the tough and loyal girl that stood up for her friends. She was not the kind of girl guys might like in that sense.
But he did.
She was a real person. Nothing fake about her. There were no products that proved that she was trying to make herself prettier. She was natural. She had one personality and was always herself. It was honestly a breath of fresh air.
But he knew he couldn’t have her. He found her gorgeous while he thought himself to be too disgusting to ever deserve her love in return. But as she sat in math class laughing at a silly joke while trying to do her work, he couldn’t help his feelings. Her laugh invaded all his senses and he knew he’d been hooked since the moment he met her. She was like a drug to him. That’s when he realized he was deeply in love with her.
And that’s when his brain began conversing.
One side: She’s so beautiful.
Other side: But you can’t have her, so try and ignore her.
One side: She’s absolutely perfect. How do you ignore perfection?
Other side: It doesn’t matter because she doesn’t love you back.
One side: But I can’t stop looking at her…
Other side: Stop it!
And then out loud he screamed, “SHUT UP!”
As if that would silence his brain. As if that would lessen his affection for her. He was too in love with her for words to make a difference. She had cast a spell on him without even trying.
© Kacey Writes
“I hope she’ll be a fool — that’s the best thing a girl can be in this world, a beautiful little fool.”
– The Great Gatsby, F. Scott Fitzgerald
When it boiled down to it, we were late nights with too much liquor, and heated afternoons because of the raging sun.We were songs-worth of dances in drizzles of rain.
We were harmless wrestling matches in the midsts of emotional blizzards.We were pillow fights amongst satin sheets, and boring nights spent cooking under a singular kitchen light.
We were too much frolicking, and not enough thought.We were secrets told far past our “bed time” followed by inside jokes.
We were champagne toasts for no reason at all. We were carless car rides during the worst times. We were slender cigarettes fat cigars by the side of a newly finished pool.
We were too much passion, and not enough love.
© Kacey Writes
To all of you who follow me, or for anyone out there who cares about what I have to say… I went on hiatus for a while, but unannounced which was probably not the cleverest thing I have yet to do. I am back though. Ready to share my thoughts, and just write. I had some things going on in my life, but I have managed to make a full recovery. I hope what I say has meaning for some of you, any of you. Thank you thank you!
Inside of me is a monster.
A hideous beast without a soul.
With claws and teeth that scare away all. Nobody would give me a second glance.
There is no beauty to be found for me and turn me into something that is better than this monster.
Life for me is lived in the shadows, away from others. Nobody in their right mind searches for ugly creatures. People live for life’s simple pleasures and beauties.
I have been deceived thinking someone could admire someTHING like me, but it was all a lie in the end.
The wise decision?
Shield your eyes when they cast upon my beastly form. Run the other way when you cross paths with the monstrosity that is a girl like me.
Nothing will transform what the eyes see into something the heart wants.
I am a monster.
© Kacey Writes